WHY AM I OFFENDED???

Has someone ever offended you???  Have you ever in your hurt and anger passed on that offense to someone else??

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In other words have you gossiped about what someone has done to you to a friend or relative and given them your offense.

How can we give our offense to someone else you say?? It is so easy and I am so guilty of this, both in the giving and the receiving.

For example, someone will say or do something that hurts my feelings, now I tell my husband or one of my friends and then because they love me they feel badly for me and possibly start having bad feelings about that someone who hurt me.

I have a strong sense of justice, in other words I don’t like to see people wronged so it is so easy for me to say “hey that’s not fair” and “they shouldn’t have said that” when someone shares with me.

I start to feel offended for my husband/friend and then I carry that offense in my heart against the offending person. I start to view the offending person in a bad light and maybe even have conversations with that person in my head about what they shouldn’t do.

See how it is building up, then it turns into unforgiveness, even though that person never did anything to me.

Phew, what a problem I am in now and there are many scriptures that say why I shouldn’t feel this way.

Matthew 6:14-15 For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Ephesians 4:31-32 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Luke 6:37 Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

Colossians 3:13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Here are just a few and I haven’t even hit Proverbs and all the scriptures against gossiping.

Now my husband is a good one for telling me to not be offended and to always look at the motivation of the person who may have said something to me that I didn’t like.  He is a good balance to my emotions and I appreciate this in him.

Even though my husband is a great help in these situations, only God is able to really heal the hurt and take the offense away.

I so need to remember this before I open my mouth!!!

Psalms 55:22 Cast your burden upon the LORD and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.

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49 thoughts on “WHY AM I OFFENDED???”

  1. Oh Dear Friend, I believe perhaps our hearts have been in the similar places this last week. I spoke about this last week at a ladies event and have a related piece coming out Wednesday (about the forgiveness part). I didn’t have time to talk about this, but what a beautiful opener. I just may link to it…
    We must be conscious of our words and thoughts and guard our hearts. Take captive every thought.
    Beautifully stated.
    Blessings,

    1. Thanks for your comment and this is something that convicts me continually, I was born with the “gift of the gab” (as my mother would say) which means I like to talk, but that does lead to me talking about things I shouldn’t and I really need to work on this. Thank you for the encouragement to take every thought captive, and I look forward to your post on this. Blessings

  2. This is so true…I, too, am so guilty on both ends of this spectrum. I have never thought of it in the way of passing that offense on to someone else. As wives and mothers, we truly wield so much influence over our husbands and children, and in their haste to rise to our defense when we are wounded, they can surely take on that same mindset of offense towards the ones who hurt us. This is profound wisdom. I am so thankful you opened my eyes to this truth. God help me to remember this and keep it in mind. Jesus said offenses would come. They are a part of life. But, it is what we do with them that matters. God bless you, sweet friend. 🙂

    1. Thank you so much Cheryl for your kind and encouraging comments and you are so right as wives and mothers we have so much influence. We need to be so careful how we speak in front of our children especially and then others. I know I grew up with opinions about people because of how my parents talked about them and I probably haven’t done this the best with our children either. Thank God that we have the chance to change and do things differently. Thanks for stopping by. Blessings

  3. You bring up an important point, Terri–when we hear criticisms from others we tend to adopt their attitude about that particular person. And I can relate to the whole “conversation in the head” thing too. Sure can get me in trouble! But I’m glad to hear your hubby helps to give you perspective on relationships where you’ve been hurt. We all need someone who loves us but can steer us back toward forgiveness.

    1. Thanks Beth for stopping by and for your kind and encouraging words. You are definitely right – we all need someone to keep us on the straight and narrow – and my husband is great at this. We women can get ourselves into so much trouble thinking with our emotions first, something we really need to keep a foot on. Thanks and blessings.

  4. This is a really tough thing for a lot of people, I think. Maybe even everyone! It’s hard to not vent to your friends when you’re upset, and usually when you do, you expect them to be on your side . . .and I’m seeing with this post that’s really unfair. Perhaps just growing up helps with that a lot. I know my relationship with God has also helped that, and my husband also.

    Thanks for posting a refreshing outlook, and some great proverbs to back you up. 🙂

  5. So so true! Even though I teach my children not to do this, I am guilty of it myself. Such a good way to put it: “giving my offense to someone else,” thus spreading bad feelings. Thanks for the reminder! 🙂

  6. Terri,
    What a powerful post! I know I have been guilty of the same. Thanks for speaking the truth in love. And thank you for linking up at Mondays @ Soul Survival.
    Blessings,
    Donna

  7. So important! I feel like this is common, but overlooked. Because if we were wronged first…I think we feel the false sense that it’s OK to continually talk about that wrong. When we should be focusing on forgiveness and trying not to be bitter.

    1. You are so right Emily, we should be focusing on forgiveness instead of spreading the bitterness. Thanks for sharing those wise words with us and thanks for stopping by. Blessings

  8. Alas, it is ourselves offending us or letting us get offended! Our bitterness, our rage, whatever it is that’s already there and just waiting to be stirred or provoked.

    Forgiveness really is the way to go.

    Thanks for another enlightenment. 🙂

    1. Thank you Lux for your words and I agree, forgiveness is the way to go. It was part of the prayer that Jesus taught us “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us”. Thank you for sharing and for stopping by. Blessings

  9. oh my, that’s right on. I am typically so careful of not “accepting” offense, but boy, I had a family member lash out at me recently when we were both under stress, and I took offense too. Ugh. Thanks for this.

  10. Offense. Gah! It is such a nasty, creepy crawly word that inches its way into our hearts, bringing along its cast of friends, often without notice. Terri, I love that you placed the Word right there in front of us. Great scriptures! Neighboring today at #tellHisstory

    1. Thank you so much Kristi for stopping by and for your kind and encouraging comment. If only I could remember to go straight to these scriptures when offended!!! Thanks for sharing and have a great week. Blessings

  11. Reading this post, makes me feel like God is speaking to me with respect to anger, not being angry, and being unoffendable.

    I reviewed a book yesterday on my blog: Unoffendable by Brant Hansen. And he pretty much talked about the same thing.

    Whatever thing we feel we have the right to get angry about is the very thing we were called to forgive. We can decide to be unoffendable and rely on God, trusting Him to help us each day.

    Now I’m having some conviction in my Spirit that this is the path God wants me to tow. Rather than become offended at everything and rant about it or even paint a bad picture of the offender.
    As you said, Only God is able to heal our hearts and take the offense away– I believe trusting God will help us be unoffendable.

    Thank You for sharing this inspiration.
    Hopping from A little R and R Linky party.

    1. Thank you Grace for sharing your heart with us and for also sharing the book review. I am going to take the time to have a look. Forgiveness is such a key part of our Christian walk and it is so important. If we don’t forgive we will harbor bitterness and this just rots the soul. Thanks and have a great day. Blessings

  12. Great post! I also have a strong sense of justice so I see where you are coming from and have learned your lesson too. “The offense stops here” is a great motto for that is something we shouldn’t pay forward. Thank you for sharing this week on the Art of Home-Making Mondays!

  13. Wonderful post because it is so true. We do share the offense or pass it off to others. And the thing is, once it is said, there is no way to take it back. So much wiser to go tattle on our offender to God. He is so able to help us deal with it. Such a wise post & I am glad we were neighbors at Women With Intention. Happy Wednesday!

    1. Thanks so much Joanne for your comment, and you are right, once the words are out that’s it. I like how you say we should “tattle” to God but also that He helps US deal with it. It is all about how we handle our thoughts and words, it’s not about anyone else. Thanks and blessings

  14. Oh, this is a slippery slope, isn’t it? I find I get offended when what’s happened is mixed with confusion and I just don’t understand why. I have to remind myself that He sees, He knows and the outcome is in His hands. Your words are authentic and encouraging…so glad I stopped by from #tellhisstory.

  15. Oh, I so agree. I am grateful to have a husband who also offers me another perspective, but you are wise to teach us to seek the Lord first for His perspective so that we might not pass on our offense.

  16. Unfortunately, this is something I do. My husband is a sweet man and probably does start feeling offended for me. Sometimes he asks if I want him to do something and I tell him no, but I can tell he wants to. Very good thoughts and something I’ll keep in mind.

    1. Thank you Stacey for sharing with us here and for stopping by. I can definitely understand where you husband is coming from and I appreciate that he wants to protect you and care for you. Have a great weekend. Blessings

  17. I so appreciate your honesty in this post. I have a person in my life that “repeatedly” offends me and a friend of mine. We can fall into the trap of talking about it to one another, but this indeed is not helping the situation, just fueling each other…

    I was very convicted by your post . The verse in Ephesians that you shared directly reinforces the points you were making in your blog post. I saw that verse in a whole new light!

    Thank you for sharing from a point of humility.

    1. Thank you Karen for your kind and encouraging comment. It is so easy to talk about offences to someone experiencing the same thing, I am so guilty of this but you are right it just doesn’t help anybody. I am so glad that this post helped you, it definitely helped me to stop and think. Blessings to you and yours.

  18. It’s easy to stew on this junk. It becomes like a burr that sticks to us and then it’s harder to get off. We have to let go of it and forgive quickly before we get bitter. We obviously need His help don’t we?

  19. This is such a great post and a needed (to me) reminder that words have power. If I share my hurt over and over it never has a chance to heal. And it is always in the fore front of our minds. I pray that God will give me a child like spirit to fight one minute and forgive the next. Thanks for sharing. Visiting from Equipping Godly Women.

    1. Thank you so much Rebecca for sharing these words with us. You are right, it is a child like spirit and we can learn so much from their ability to move on. Thanks for stopping by. Blessings and have a great weekend.

    1. Thank you Shandra for stopping by and for your comment, I agree offense is a deep issue and so is forgiveness and that isn’t easy either. Thanks and blessings to you.

  20. This is such a good reminder to all of us. How tempting it is to tell someone so they can help us feel better about being offended. May we just take it to the Lord… and forgive. Great post.

    1. Thank you so much for stopping by and for your comment. Yes it is so easy to talk about our offences and I am so guilty, I so need to learn to take it to God and forgive. Thank you for your encouraging comment. Blessings

  21. I love that we have been given a perfect example in our Lord Jesus Christ. He was offended and yet He always answered in love. May we strive to do the same in our lives.

    Thanks for this precious reminder that we are to honor Him with our hearts, thoughts, and words.

    May He continue to fill your cup to overflowing!

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