Our No 2 daughter (9 years old) has just been invited to a homeschooled friends birthday party. She couldn’t be more excited.
Now No 2 son (6 years old) hasn’t been invited. He has asked us to ask if he could come as well. I am sure they would say yes if we asked them, but we are not sure that this is the best thing.
My husband and I have been discussing the situation and we both remember times when we weren’t invited to things and our siblings were, we both remember the hurt we felt at these times and the lack of sympathy and understanding from our parents.
I’m sure our parents thought they were doing the best by us and that is not really my issue. My issue is our young son and his heart and feelings.
Maybe he just needs to understand that things don’t always seem fair and that he needs to ” build a bridge” and get over it and move on. Maybe he needs us to show him that we really do understand how he feels and know that we have been there.
I know he needs to understand that he doesn’t always have to have special things when his sister does and this goes for his sister as well.
He needs to show her that he can be happy for her getting a treat and he needs to be able to handle the fact that he doesn’t.
(We have never been one to give him a present just because his sister has a birthday. They need to realise that special days are just that – special days for a special person and they need to feel joy for that person.)
There are seasons in life, seasons when we have to wait at home while others go out. Seasons when we are the youngest and maturity seems to take ages to arrive.
How can we teach him to deal with this situation???
We teach him by walking through it with him, by explaining and guiding him to a point of understanding. We need to share with him how special he is to God and to us and that when the time is right special treats will come his way.
Eph 5:6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.
How do you handle these situations??
This post is linked up here…
Oh dear, this makes me glad my children were so far apart in age. I was an only child and probably wouldn’t be as empathetic as you and your husband are. It must be quite a lesson for siblings to learn that just because they are treated equally at home doesn’t mean the whole world will dole out things (such as invitations) to them equally. I definitely wouldn’t ask the hosts if my son could come to the party. They can hardly say no without being rude. It might a party for girls, anyway, do you think? There’s a world of difference in 9-year-old girls and 6-year-old boys!
Yes Kim you are right, little girls love just being around little girls and don’t want little boys in the way. Life and its lessons can be tough and we need to know that but it helps to have someone help you through it. Thank you for taking the time to comment. Blessings.
It seems that you have considered all your options well. Walking through it with him, praying with him and guiding him to understand is the best way to handle this. He’s young and he’ll probably get over this easier than you expect. And when he gets that special invitation in the future, you’ll be able to remind him of this day. I love to remind my children of answered prayer.
Thanks for your comment Barbara, I look forward to the day when he gets an invite and then I can remind him. Blessings
It is a good thing, what you are doing. It’s hard, and if you don’t learn to deal with it at a young age, then it still hurts as an adult.
What we don’t teach our children in love, the world will teach them in its own way. It’s our job to teach our children that life just isn’t fair–or the world will–and that will be painful.
We also have a “special day” just for our children on birthdays. I think it’s harder for the grandparents not to buy presents for all the kids every birthday than it is for the kids.
Keep on keeping on Mom–you’re doing a wonderful job.
Blessings,
Thanks Deborah for your lovely comment. Blessings to you and your family.
2 thumbs up on sensible and sensitive parenting! We are struggling with a different issue ( a snotty mean boy sitting next to our girl) and are trying to be sensible by not intervening in a problem she can solve by herself and sensitive by sympathizing with her misery and offering good advice like pray for him and talk to your teacher if he crosses the line into bullying or harassment.
Oh Helene that is so hard. I can imagine that you would want to sort it our for her (I know that I would) but sometimes we just have to step back and guide them without fixing it for them. I hope it all turns out well for both your daughter and the boy. Thank you for sharing your heart. Blessings to you and yours.
I actually had to deal with this problem myself last month. A good friend from my church has a Halloween party at her house every year, and it is quite a popular party! She’s been hosting it for years now, but for some reason I’ve never been invited to it. Now, I’ve known this friend for 12 years, and every October when all our mutual friends start showing all their party photos on Facebook, I always wonder “Why wasn’t I invited? (again!)” To be honest, it’s hard not to hold my own pity party, then I scold myself for caring about not being in the popular crowd again.
But it still hurts.
As I try to teach my own kids about this tough life lesson, I explain that we aren’t supposed to be identical to everyone else. Everyone gets their own experiences and adventures, and we can’t all do the same things. Some people are going to travel the world, and some people are going to go cliff diving, and some people will go to an elite university, and on and on. But we can’t get upset because we aren’t that someone. We are all different. If we don’t get to share in an adventure, then we can make our own.
But it still hurts.
Thanks Jean for sharing your heart with me about this issue. It happens to all of us, not only our children. I have felt the same and you start to wonder if people like you. We don’t need to be going down that track at our age. You are so right we can make our own adventures and excitement whilst we are learning and trying to get over the hurt. Blessings to you and yours.