WHEN YOUR CHILDREN ARE GROWN

If you have been around this blog you will know that we have two older children and two younger children.

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It has been a wonderful blessing to have the little two who are now 10 and 7 years old.  We also have a married daughter who is 25 and a son who is 20.

It is wonderful to see how these children have grown from infants to adults. Our relationships have changed as well.

With our older daughter and her husband we are good friends and have a great time together. We discuss all types of things and we just love getting together with them and laughing and having fun.

Our oldest son now 20, is a wonderful young man. He is caring and loving and very giving. He can be infuriating at times, but he can also be a lot of fun. Our relationship has changed as well and we are all good friends but we are still his parents and his guidance counsellors while he stills lives at home.

Now our son is and moving forward to leading his own life, he has plans to marry and start a family of his own one day and I feel it is only just around the corner (he doesn’t have anyone to marry yet, just plans and ideas).

What will it be like when he goes. If I think too much on that one I must admit tears come.

Now please don’t get me wrong, we would never hold any of our children back.

When our daughter got married we struggled, not with her marriage but after she left, we missed her.

My husband was told by an acquaintance that if it was so hard for us when our children left then we had put too much effort, too much heart  into the relationship, or we had too much skin in it.

In thinking about that it makes me wonder how you couldn’t have that type of relationship with your children. To love them and care for them for 20 odd years, to develop your relationship without them becoming entangled into our emotions, how would you do that?

How can you raise your children, have a family with out them weaving themselves into your hearts. It is the tapestry of family life, where you all live together, work together, learn together.

I would rather be devastated when our children leave home than to not have a relationship with them at all. To not feel the love.

Understand this as well, my husband feels the loss just as much as me, we both struggle with this.

So as we watch our oldest son grow and prepare to step out on his own one day we prepare our hearts, somehow,  to handle not having him at home all the time.

We pray for his  future wife (whoever that may be) and we pray that God will guide him along life’s journey.

We do know one thing though and it is because of the relationship we have with him, the ties that bind us together as family, that he will always be our son and we will always be there for him, no matter what, and that goes for all our children.

Psalm 127:3  Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.

 

37 thoughts on “WHEN YOUR CHILDREN ARE GROWN”

  1. Thank you for this post. As our children grow older (our oldest is 16, nearly 17, and has been talking for a few years already about leaving home and going to university), I have been struggling with the idea of them being gone. I am certainly not the best or most loving mother; I don’t see myself as “clucky”, and I know I should be investing a lot more of my time and attention on my children, but I like having them around here and miss them when they’re gone. Thinking of them moving away from home is tough.

    1. Oh Emma I so understand how you feel, it is so hard. We have been blessed because our daughter was here until she was married and our son will probably be also. It is hard at any time when they are called to leave. None of us are the best mothers and we could all do with giving more time to our children, but they are still ours and when they are around it is like we are complete. Thank you for sharing with us today. Have a great week. Blessings

  2. I’m with you on that! My kids haven’t left home yet – though they are almost all adults now (16-18-20-22). I can’t say for sure how I’ll feel when one of them leaves home for good (they’ve come and gone for a month or so as they have done different things) but I do know I will miss them. They are my friends and I sure will miss them if they leave. It is indeed a blessing to have this type of friendship with your adult children. For some reason people consider it okay to miss your friend when they leave, but not miss your kids! Thank you for sharing your story today.

    1. Thank you so much Belinda for sharing your heart with us. I know exactly how you feel. Our 20 year old son has just gone to work with some friends for a few days and nights and I miss him already. I am so thankful also for the great relationships we have with our older children and you are right it is indeed a blessing. Thanks again and have a great week. Blessings

  3. Oh, how I understand. My oldest is 20, and it’s just not an easy thing to let them fly from the nest. So comforting to know that others feel the same. 🙂 Love how the relationships change and grow as they age though. 🙂
    Loved finding my way here via the Soul Survival Linkup today. Thank you for sharing. 🙂

    1. It is lovely to have you stop by Brenda and share your heart with us. It is also nice to know that others are on the same path as us, we are never alone. What a blessing to have good relationships with our children. Blessings

    1. Thank you so much Ifeoma for your thoughtful and kind comment. I now know what my parents went through when I left home. I did think about it then, but was more excited with where I was going at the time. I appreciate you stopping by. Have a great week. Blessings

  4. I am also straddling to sets of boys, although my gap years are fewer. Funny thing, though — the two that have always been “the LITTLE boys” are now 13 and 16, and I still persist in that name for them, even though the 16 year old is over 6 ft tall. Oh, well, they’ll ALL be MY little boys forever!

    1. That made me chuckle Michele and we call our two younger ones the littlies, now I wonder how long we will do that for. I wonder if when they are married I will still refer to them as this :-). You are right though, whether we call them that or not they will always be our littlies. Thanks for stopping by and sharing. Blessings to you this weeks.

  5. Our son will soon turn 14, and we were just talking the other day about how fast it has gone since he was little, and how we have to make the most of our time with him (and his sisters). It is good to hear your story Terri, and learn from people who have ‘gone before me’ in terms of parenting 🙂

    1. Thank you Gwen for stopping by and sharing with us. Your point in making the most of your time with your children is such an important one and something that I work on remembering. We aren’t perfect parents by any means and we struggle with so many thing, but in a deep conversation with our 20 year old son the other day he stated that as parents, we were the best and that he couldn’t fault us. Boy oh boy, he is such a blessing. I’m not saying that to build us up at all because there is plenty to fault, my point is that despite our faults he still loves us and sees what we do for him and how we care for him to be the best and it is so important to have a Christ centred relationship. Have a great week Gwen and I am looking forward to your post this week. Blessings to you and your family. xxx

  6. Terri,

    Reading your post brought back memories of when my youngest, moved clear across the country to California, when she married our son-in-law, a Marine. My oldest was still at home and we ALL felt the pain of her leaving. No one could have prepared me for the grief I felt; it was literally like a death. I didn’t like walking past her room.

    To process the move, I redecorated it right away; not to erase her, but to create a new guest room, with special touches for her and her husband when they came back to visit. It was quite therapeutic and the Lord was with me every step of the way.

    When my oldest son got married and moved out, the Lord had returned my daughter and son-in-law back to me. They were now living with us! And although my son leaving was difficult, having my daughter and son-in-law back made it a little easier.

    Oh what a blessing it has been to have them live in our home! And now with their baby girl, my precious granddaughter!

    I think back to the pain of my daughter leaving never thinking in a million years, that they all would be living with us! I know it is just for a season, and I cherish every moment.

    I say all this to encourage you that the Lord will surprise you in new and unexpected ways that will bless you beyond what you could hope for or imagine as you face your son leaving to get married.

    I do agree, though, our children are a deep part of us, it is supposed to hurt…

    1. Thank you so much Karen for stopping by and sharing part of your story with us. That must have been so hard when your daughter got married and moved away but what a blessing to have them at home with you now, even if it is for a season. What a wonderful thing to do with her bedroom and what a special place they have to stay now. Also what a blessing to have your granddaughter living with you as well, you are making wonderful memories for you all. Thank you for your encouraging post I really appreciate all that you shared. Blessings to you this week. xxxx

  7. What a sensitive and caring post, Terri. I’d rather be sad when my daughter moved away from home than to not “invest” in her and not miss her. I remember the day when my daughter was 24 or 25 and she said with tender feeling that she needed me to be more of a friend than a mother. It was hard but I realized she was right and our relationship changed for the better. Today we are very best friends and I just slip into my mommy mode very seldom LOL !!!! Hugs to all you on the farm. Stopping by from The Beauty in His Grace.

    1. Thank you Rebecca for sharing with us. I love that you have a great relationship with your daughter and that you only slip into mommy mode seldomly. I still do that to, it is so easy to forget, especially when you still have children at home. I am thankful for the generous, forgiving heart that our daughter has, to not get upset with me too much ;-). Blessings to you this week and thank you for stopping by. xxx

  8. My dear friends, may I offer a word of encouragement? Our sons are 31, and 30 in a few days. Our daughters are 27 and 25. As with many of you, we homeschooled our blessings from beginning to end. It was a delight, most of the time. I won’t say that there weren’t times that I doubted my ability to cope, but I never doubted our choice to keep our family close and to teach them to honor God with every breath. Our children have honored us in the way they have chosen to live their lives. They aren’t perfect, but neither are we.

    It has been a new adjustment with each wedding. The physical separation is different from emotional separation. Our children are very close to us, in our hearts. But 3 of them live in other states or territories, and the 4th lives 30 minutes away. There is great joy in watching them build their lives. It is hard, at first, not knowing that they ate a well-balanced meal or got enough sleep or spent their time wisely…but you come to realize that you have been raising them, training them for this very thing, all of their lives.

    It is eventually time to let them soar, like the Mama Birdie almost pushing her babies out of the nest…but we want to hold them back. Don’t do it. You will still be there for advice, maybe occasionally for help. But be careful not to be too helpful. Wait to be asked…and then pray first.

    Oh, and I don’t want to leave out one of the best parts: We have 11 grandchildren since that first wedding 7 years ago. And there is an adoption in the works for a child from Bulgaria. Oh, friends, it doesn’t have to be lonely after our children are grown. There is so much time for you and your husband to renew your relationship in a very special way. We love being parents, but we LOVE being together as grandparents. There are an awful lot of grandparents out there who aren’t together. Be there for all of your generations.

    1. Thank you so much Erica for sharing your wisdom with us. What you have said is so beneficial to us all and I appreciate you sharing your experiences with us. You are right too that the best part is the grandchildren, they are such a blessing. Thanks for taking the time and I know that many of us will benefit from your words. Blessings

  9. Amen. People matter. I realized just how much when I lost my 20 year old college aged son. Forever 20. Yet I know where he is-dancing with Jesus.

    Enjoy every single minute. We are not promised tomorrow.

    I love that they each matter so much to y’all! Hugs. Susan

    1. Thank you so much Susan for sharing your heart with us. Thank you for your wisdom in enjoying every single minute and I will definitely take that on board and I sorry for all that you have been through with losing your son. Thank you for taking the time to stop by and comment. Blessings

  10. OH, dear friend! I think of these things so often, and I cry. You are completely right in all you said…I think it is better to pour ourselves into loving our children, even though we know one day they will be grown and move on with their lives. Thank you for this precious post. Much love to you!

    1. Thank you Cheryl for stopping by and I know exactly how you feel. I sometimes try not to think on it too much because it is so easy to cry and get upset, but it will happen. I pray that God will be with us as that day approaches and that we spend as much time as we can with our children, teaching them to rely on God. Blessings and love to you too.xxx

  11. Hello Women with Intention neighbor! This is sweet! I’m sure your children count themselves blessed and hope that through all the change, you all get to discover new joys, too : )

  12. This is so timely for me, my friend, as we prepare to send our eldest off to college in the fall. Thank you for these encouraging words. Trusting God is holding him in his capable hands!

    1. Thank you so much Laura for sharing your thoughts with us. You hit the nail on the head with the word trust. As parents when we train our children in the ways of the Lord we can only trust God for their future and the fact that He loves them more than us and he will take care of them. Blessings to you and yours.

  13. I loved your statement: “It is the tapestry of family life, where you all live together, work together, learn together.” My husband and I have a wonderful relationship with our adult children. My daughter lives 3 states away and calls and texts us every week. She has 2 children of her own, a fulltime job and another job as a sales consultant. Our son, his wife and 13 month old son live less than 15 minutes away. We watch their son a minimum of one day a week and we have them over for dinner on the day we babysit. It is such a joy to have your children appreciate you and want you as a part of their life.

    1. Hey Marcia, thank you so much for stopping by and sharing with us. I am so pleased that you have a great relationship with your children and how wonderful that you get to babysit a day a week and enjoy fellowship together. What a blessings. Thanks again and have a great weekend. Blessings

  14. How could any parent make such a statement that you put too much heart into a relationship with your own children! That blows me away! When our youngest daughter left for college, I cried every day for two weeks until I began to realize the joys of empty nesting!
    I once had a relative tell me that I should quit speaking to my daughter when she decided to cohabitate with her boyfriend. I asked her why would I do that, I didn’t quit loving her! Some people have the dumbest way of looking at parental relationships.
    Parenting grown children is in many ways just such a joy but it can also be a challenge just like raising the little ones but with different circumstances.
    Stopping by from Sat. Soiree, glad I did 🙂 I enjoy reading about parenting adult children.

    1. Thank you so much Shirley for stopping by and sharing with us. Seems your relative has it all mixed up to, we never stop loving our children even when they do things that we don’t agree with. Sometimes it is hard but the love doesn’t stop. I agree that parenting is a challenge and each age has it’s own dimensions. Blessings to you and yours.

  15. That was the strangest thing said by your Husband’s acquaintance. I can’t imagine not investing our heart, soul, skin, sweat and tears into our kids. I am in the early stages of parenting and can already imagine the sadness I’d feel when they have to go and lead their own lives. Blessings to you and have a great week.

  16. Your parenting journey is similar to mine. My oldest daughter is 24, married with a child. Oldest son is 21 but still living at home. My youngest two are 15 and 12. I would give my heart and soul for my children, doesn’t matter their ages. It’s never easy to let them go.

  17. Hi, Terri,
    Goodness, we missed our oldest son when he was just gone to youth camp for a week! 🙂 So, I cannot even imagine what it will be like when he moves out. And we weren’t the only ones who missed him – his siblings missed him as well. I think in a close-knit family it just feels like something is missing when one or more are gone from home. Thanks for sharing with us at Grace and Truth last week. 🙂
    Jen @ Being Confident of This

    1. That is exactly how it feels Jen when someone is gone, just like something is missing. I know when our oldest son goes away for a few days it just isn’t the same. I appreciate you stopping by and for your comment. Have a great weekend. Blessings

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