Category Archives: Diaries of the Heart


18668225259_906b201057_qI feel there is a storm brewing, not in the sky but in me. Like storm clouds build and then roll in, so I feel menopause is building and rolling in on me.

When storms start brewing the clouds build, the sky darkens, then the lightning and thunder can start way before the storm front is actually upon us, then when it is upon us the rain starts to fall.

That is how I feel at the moment, the storm clouds and thunder and lightning are starting and the rain hasn’t reached me yet.

I am in that time of life, the beginning of the end of my child bearing years. For the most part I am accepting of my place in life and with our beautiful granddaughters there are still babies in our life.

But like when storms approach there is the urge to bury ourselves under the blankets on our bed and cover our ears until it passes.

I must admit this is a tempting feeling and at times I just want to stay under the covers until it all passes.

But there is the other sides of storms the excitement of watching it roll in and seeing the lightning light up the sky. Then it is the rain coming that often pours down in buckets and in summer washes the heat away and brings a freshness to the air.

I want to be like this, standing on the edge of the storm, bracing myself for it’s coming. I want to stand on the front veranda of my life and face it full on, watching the lightning light up my life and bring me into the freshness and newness of a new period of my journey towards Heaven.

I am only on the beginning of this transition. I don’t have medical proof but the signs are starting to show.  The added weight gain, the occasional hot flushes, the sometimes extreme weariness.

The storm is brewing in my life, ladies and I am praying that I can face it full on, with my reliance on God, not on myself.

Psalms 18:2 The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

Psalm 42:5  Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him. For the help of His countenance.


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When I was born I was adopted into a Christian home with a Dad and Mum and a brother who was 2 years older.

I was a very relaxed type of baby, I slept a lot and ate a lot, I was placid. Growing up I was probably the same, I am definitely not a perfectionist by any means, but as I have gotten older I like some things done a particular way.

My older brother was very academic and very musical, and of course I wasn’t. School was a chore and although I did learn to play music I just wasn’t gifted with any special abilities regarding it. I read music and I played it, that was it.

I felt that I was always in the shadow of my brother, schooling wise, and life wise. He was tall and skinny and I was short and dumpy.  In meeting my birth mother many years later I have come to realise that my height and some of my weight issues are definitely a genetic trait.

I don’t think I ever felt that I met the mark and I felt I was always striving to please people and be better than what I was.

When we talk about the free gift of salvation that Jesus has given us I find it a hard thing to accept. Deep down I know it to be true, but the little girl in me who is always trying to be better just struggles to accept that she is good enough for any gift of that magnitude.


I am still trying to work out if I am “good” enough for that gift. I know that Jesus died for me and because of that and because I love Him and know that He is God’s son and because I have a relationship with him that I am going to heaven, but a little part of me thinks maybe not.

So when we are parenting our children, I think we need to be careful in how we raise them and how we speak to them. We need to be more verbal about how much Jesus loves them and how much He has done for them. They must be secure in His love and in our love.

Sometimes it is so easy to compare them to their siblings or other children and this is something we must be so careful about. I was told by a friend of my parents that I wasn’t as good as my brother at music because I just didn’t practice enough. Now I did practice, maybe not enough but I don’t think it would have mattered how much I practiced I would never be like him regarding music. I wasn’t given a gift of being able to play by ear, but God did bless me with many other gifts.

We must be careful how we verbalize to our children their failings and what they need to work on. Don’t make their issues a big thing in front of other people or other family members.

Don’t get me wrong, our children will still need discipline and correction, but this must be done without comparison but with love.

It is so easy to slip into “if you just did this you would be like so and so”. This just gives our children the idea they aren’t good enough.

There is nothing we can do to earn our Saviours love for us. There is no good works that we can do that gets us into Heaven. Our salvation is a big free gift wrapped up in the arms of our Lord.

Let’s not put provisos on this gift.

Romans 10:9 That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.

Ephesians 2:8 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:


You will find me linked up at some of these great blogs.


We all know that raising children is hard work. It requires consistency and discipline not only of ourselves but also of our children. Children are definitely a blessing and given to us by God to raise up for His kingdom, but I must admit…

Some days I get so tired of reminding the children to pick up their clothes.

Some days I get so tired of finding odd socks outside, even though they have been told not to take them off outside.

Some days I get tired of the kitchen floor being dirty, no matter how many times I sweep it.

Some days, especially in winter I get tired of all the dust that the wood heater keeps producing.

Some days I get so tired of preparing meals and being on top of the groceries.

Some days I get tired of battling through bad attitudes with lessons.

No 2 daughter and son
No 2 daughter and no 2  son

But on the other hand…

My husband had the opportunity to catch up with an old school friend this past week.

He is about the same age as my husband (close to 50) and we think he is married, he has a partner any way.

He drives the latest model of a most expensive car, and I am sure that he doesn’t have to worry about the floor being dirty.

He doesn’t have any children. He has been working all of his life for his bank balance.

Now I am sure that he can buy himself anything he desires, I bet he even has ducted gas heating in his house, and in a worldly way, that would be great, but we don’t want to be of the world.

So although we struggle to pay our bills some months and we don’t drive a fancy car or have a fancy big house with ducted gas heating, we have so much more.

We have 4 beautiful children, 1 lovely son-in-law and 2 beautiful granddaughters.

So I have to fight battles at home with school and clothing. So I struggle to keep the floor clean and am constantly cooking to keep everyone fed.

I would rather be tired of these things than never have experienced them.

We are blessed to be able to be raising children to love the Lord and follow Him with their whole heart.

God has given us more than we could ever have asked for.

Philippians 4:11-13 Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

Luke 12:15 Then he said to them, “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.”


You will find me linked up at some of these great blogs.


In writing this post I want you to know that the points below are my goals not my arrived state. I am not perfect in any on these things but I pray that God will help me on my journey.


A life well lived is what I want to be remembered for. Not a life well lived for myself, but a life well lived for God and others.

I want to be remembered as a wife who honoured her husband. A wife who cared for his needs and loved him with all her heart. I want to be remembered as a submissive wife, one who put her husbands needs before her own.

Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things

I want to be remembered as a women who loved her children, but more than that I want to be remembered as a women who trained her children in the ways of the Lord.

Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it.

I want to be remembered for my love for others and my care for those in need. I want my children to remember and follow in that care.

Hebrews 13:16 Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.

I want to be remembered for my ability to love my enemies and my willingness to pray for those who don’t like me or don’t like my ways.

Matthew 5:44 But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.

I want to be remembered as a women who walked worthy of the Lord, pleasing Him both in my work and my knowledge.

Colossians 1:10  that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God;

I want to be remembered as a women who was anxious for nothing, we knew that God was taking care of her and her family.

Matthew 6:25-34 Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. …

But most of all I want to be remembered as a women after God’s own heart.

1 Peter 3:8-12 Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous; not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing.  For “He who would love life And see good days, Let him refrain his tongue from evil, And his lips from speaking deceit.  Let him turn away from evil and do good; Let him seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, And His ears are open to their prayers; But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”

So when I die, please remember me, not for the great meals that I cooked or the blog posts that I wrote, these are all a part of who I was but, please remember me as a woman after God’s own heart, with her eyes on her Heavenly prize.

Philippians 3:14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.


You will find me linked up at some of these great blogs.


As I am sitting here this afternoon writing this post I am not feeling very happy with myself.  You see this morning in bible study I got upset,  now you may be wondering what type of study we are having for it to cause such an issue.

I really don’t want to share what it was technically about but let’s just say it was on questioning the word of God. Not our Pastor or others there just some of our church hierarchy.

Both my husband and I are really passionate about believing and standing on the word of God, and I guess this is why I got upset. I am passionate about women finding their place in Gods order and supporting them. I love giving to people in need and answering God’s prompting on this matter, that gives me such joy.

But none of these things gives me the right to get upset during study.  So after church I was able to apologise to our Pastor and other members who were at the study. I was humbled and blessed by their attitude of forgiveness and how they supported me. None was offended,  for which I am grateful, but repentance, I felt, was still necessary.

I must remember to keep a foot on my emotions and remember to lead with Gods knowledge and truth.

It is good to be passionate about what you believe in but it should always be presented humbly and respectfully.

James 5:16 Confess [your] faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

Ephesians 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.


You will find me linked up at some of these great blogs.


This song has been going around in my head all this past week. Maybe it reflects my thoughts on where we need to turn to with what has been happening in the world and in our communities.

A member of our congregation passed away this week, he was a 46 year old father of 4. He had a non cancerous brain tumor that turned him from a vital healthy man into one that could barely talk and walk. They tried every treatment they could but his healing on this earth wasn’t meant to be, his healing will come in Heaven.

His illness has really touched our family, we are thankful that God has taken him from his pain and suffering but we think of his wife and children and I ask you to pray for them if you can.

The things happening around the world and locally should make us focus on God and the fact that He is there for us, we need not fear or worry or doubt,

“He Will Listen To You”

When the weight of this world crashes down on you
God will listen to you
When the sky turns black and your thoughts turn blue
He will listen to you

He will listen to you
Always listen to you
He understands how His children feel
He will listen to you

When the river of tears cannot be contained
He will listen to you
Like a drowning man in the pouring rain
God will listen to you

He will listen to you
Always listen to you
He understands how His children feel
He will listen to you

When the light explodes in a world gone wrong
He will listen to you
When your heart beats strong with a grateful song
God will listen to you

He will listen to you
Always listen to you
He understands how His children feel
He will listen to you

(Nickel Creek Lyrics)

Let us cry out to God for our nation, our family and people in need.

 Don’t hold back because He will listen to you.

Blessings dear friends.

Psalm 34:15 The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous, and his ears are attentive to their cry.

Psalm 18:6 In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears.

Psalm 34:17 The righteous cry, and the LORD heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles.


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With the world going crazy around us we must remember to


When you feel like you are standing on a square of ice in the middle of the ocean, where there is nothing to hang onto


When Governments turn away from God and His word,  we must remember to


When even our own churches won’t stand on the word of God we must remember to


When our family don’t support our decisions regarding God’s plans for our lives we must remember to


When even our friends turn their backs on us, we must remember to


But what do we focus on,  we need to keep our focus on God, on His word,  on His plans for us.


Man will let us down and fall away from God, but God and His word will never fall away, we must stand on it, hold onto it’s truths and never let go.

Isaiah 40:8 The grass withereth, the flower fadeth: but the word of our God shall stand for ever.

Isaiah 26:3 Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.

Colossians 3:2 – Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth.

You will find me linked up at some of these great blogs.


Sometimes, I don’t know why, but I loose my joy. I don’t know where it goes, maybe it goes where all those socks go when you wash them, and I have been looking for them for years.

Sometimes this joy of mine, leaves quick and takes a long time to find again.

But then is joy something I need to find or is it something that I have all the time and I just don’t know how to apply it.

Galatians 5:22-23  But the fruit of the Spirit is love, JOY, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.

There it is the fruits of the spirit and there it is – JOY. Joy is a fruit of the spirit. A fruit of the Holy Spirit. So if I have the Holy Spirit living in me then Joy should be there as well.

Joy has already been given to me along with all the other fruits. So the problem isn’t that I loose it, it really can’t leave me because it comes with the Holy Spirit and the Holy Spirit never leaves me.

So I guess the problem is me, plain ole me and my issue with the applying of this joy given to me by the Holy Spirit.

I haven’t lost my joy, I haven’t got to find it, there is no where to search.

It dwells within me and I just need to turn on the joy button and let it shine.

How do I turn on that joy button you may ask??? For me, I need to spend more time in God’s word.

I have been slack lately and I need to start getting up early again and reading my bible before the children rise. I am still reading my bible but I am playing catch up all the time. For me I need routine and that is my plan.

It may be different for you, but just remember we never lose the fruits of the spirit, they dwell within.



If you have been around this blog you will know that we have two older children and two younger children.


It has been a wonderful blessing to have the little two who are now 10 and 7 years old.  We also have a married daughter who is 25 and a son who is 20.

It is wonderful to see how these children have grown from infants to adults. Our relationships have changed as well.

With our older daughter and her husband we are good friends and have a great time together. We discuss all types of things and we just love getting together with them and laughing and having fun.

Our oldest son now 20, is a wonderful young man. He is caring and loving and very giving. He can be infuriating at times, but he can also be a lot of fun. Our relationship has changed as well and we are all good friends but we are still his parents and his guidance counsellors while he stills lives at home.

Now our son is and moving forward to leading his own life, he has plans to marry and start a family of his own one day and I feel it is only just around the corner (he doesn’t have anyone to marry yet, just plans and ideas).

What will it be like when he goes. If I think too much on that one I must admit tears come.

Now please don’t get me wrong, we would never hold any of our children back.

When our daughter got married we struggled, not with her marriage but after she left, we missed her.

My husband was told by an acquaintance that if it was so hard for us when our children left then we had put too much effort, too much heart  into the relationship, or we had too much skin in it.

In thinking about that it makes me wonder how you couldn’t have that type of relationship with your children. To love them and care for them for 20 odd years, to develop your relationship without them becoming entangled into our emotions, how would you do that?

How can you raise your children, have a family with out them weaving themselves into your hearts. It is the tapestry of family life, where you all live together, work together, learn together.

I would rather be devastated when our children leave home than to not have a relationship with them at all. To not feel the love.

Understand this as well, my husband feels the loss just as much as me, we both struggle with this.

So as we watch our oldest son grow and prepare to step out on his own one day we prepare our hearts, somehow,  to handle not having him at home all the time.

We pray for his  future wife (whoever that may be) and we pray that God will guide him along life’s journey.

We do know one thing though and it is because of the relationship we have with him, the ties that bind us together as family, that he will always be our son and we will always be there for him, no matter what, and that goes for all our children.

Psalm 127:3  Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.



Recently our No 2 daughter and I were discussing Jesus’ early life before He started His ministry.

She wanted to know if his 33 years took as long as our years now and if He had ever sinned during that time.

I told her that I thought the years were the same and also that Jesus never sinned.

Her reply was that “wow His parents wouldn’t have needed a wooden spoon for Him”.


The concept of a perfect Jesus is definitely believable and true, but definitely hard to fathom, considering our own sinful ways.

1 John 3:5  You know that He appeared in order to take away sins; and in Him there is no sin.

Hebrews 4:15 For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin.

1 Peter 2:22 “He committed no sin and no deceit was found in His mouth” 


You will find me linked up at some of these great blogs.